Freddie Mercury is Alive & Well Tending Bar in Florida

It's hard to believe I know.  History tells us that Freddie Mercury, the lead singer for the rock band Queen, die an AIDs related death in 1991.  Up until my trip to Florida and a Saturday night spent at McGuire's Irish Pub in Pensacola I had no reason to doubt this version of history.  However, after I left the bar that night I knew Freddie Mercury, much like Elvis, is not dead!  He is alive and well and tending bar in Florida...

We left the apartment and headed for the famed McGuire's Irish Pub for a night of celebration and debauchery.  Craig still dressed in his navy blues and Danae still sporting her wedding dress.

We arrived and walked in...two words...Fire Hazard...my initial thought regarding this famous bar/eatery was "The owner must be in good with the fire chief and police department" because people were crammed in there like cords of wood waiting to be seated...including of our wedding party of 20.  The walls and ceiling of the pub were lined with dollar bills, they claim over a million of them, if the people were the wood then this was no doubt the kenneling.  Maneuvering around the place I was able to find a waitress and order a round of drinks for David, Craig, Danae and myself...which I told the waitress David was paying for...a classic move that worked!  Danae had some girlie mixed drink while us guys braved the froth and the foam of McGuire's own brand of Irish Stout...DELICIOUS!  I stuck with it all night!

Amazingly enough we were sat relatively fast.  Our waiter bore a striking resemblance to Willow Ufgood (* a note here...some of you may notice that I make references to some out of date or seemingly obscure things...if you find yourself asking "Who is Willow Ufgood" or "Who is Freddie Mercury"...it's called Google).  Some of the highlights on the menu included a $100 hamburger called the Grand Burger as well as a thing called a Garbage Burger that was said to include everything that was in the kitchen on it.  I went with steak and more of the stout...we all ate and drank and were having a great time...including the new bride Danae...you see Danae had always been our DD when we went out and this was one of the rare times she was able to let loose and actually join in the drinking with us.

We all finished eating and took our party to the bar area...

Danae had been drinking all night with no problem despite leaving her ID at home...after all who's going to refuse a newly wed in her wedding dress...I'll tell you who...the bar tender in the other part of the pub...who bore a striking resemblance to a mustachioed Freddie Mercury...that's who!

Craig and Danae bellied up to the bar and someone had ordered them shots, the bar tender, upon learning Danae did not have an ID told her she couldn't drink the shot or sit at the bar...which would have been fine with everyone except Ol' Freddie decided to make a big scene out of it...talking in an overly loud flamboyant voice and waving his arms around demanding she leave the bar.  Well her shot sat there untouched...after some time had past and after carefully studying the bar tender and his movements I picked up the shot while he wasn't looking and took it over to Danae, seemingly out of sight, and she drank it.  No sooner than that shot of whiskey had passed her gums who do you think was jumping down her throat yelling and raising all sorts of hell...Freddie Mercury...how in the hell he saw us is beyond me...but there he stood right between us yelling in Danae's face and threating to throw us all out of the place...making a HUGE scene out of it.  A manager had to come over and send him back to the bar and talked with Danae a while...she was pretty cool about it...but I sure wasn't!  The gall of that guy!  There were 100 better ways to handle the situation.  

A few of us were standing close by the bar talking about the whole ordeal, not being loud about it but talking about it with a few choice words and opinions about Freddie just the same...well he could sense we were talking about him and he turned around from his cash registrar behind the bar yelling at us and saying "I can hear everything you've been saying about me..." going into another tirade and being a HUGE drama QUEEN about it.  I was about to unleash on this guy but Craig, who is a very rational type of person, jumped in, cutting me off before I got started, and calmly talked to Freddie and told him we wouldn't bother him anymore.  

Fearing we were about to get thrown out and possibly arrested because of drama Queen Freddie Mercury...we tabbed out (left zero tip of course), called a taxi and called it a night...at about 11pm...we are shells of our former drinking selves!

Back at the apartment, still steaming from what had happened at the bar, I cracked open a can of snuff I had bought as a joke on our drive down.  You see David challenged me to take a pinch...given the state of mind I was in I was not going to be challenged and back down from it...so I took a small pinch and tucked it into my lip...I had never dipped before...and never will again!  The very nice buzz I had going from drinking turned into the dizzy staggers in a matter of minutes...I SERIOUSLY COULD NOT WALK!  Soon after I threw up...which left me asking "How in the hell can people play baseball while doing this stuff"!

Another late night phone call from the hospital girl prevented sleep for an hour or so...not sure if I'm an advocate for late night phone calls when one has been drinking heavily but I digress...

Sunday morning came and David and I got in the car and headed back to Texas around 8am...12 hours later we were back at David's house...our journey to Florida over...

They Got Married in a Hurricane...

Picking up where I left off:

David and I spent Saturday morning and part of the afternoon sitting around Danae's apartment.  Craig had left early with plans on buying a new car...scratch that...a new toy car...and he did, when he returned from the dealership and credit union he had come back to the apartment in a yellow and black Mini Cooper.  Yes the lean 6'3 sailor Craig had went out and bought a Mini Cooper.  Upon his return the bulky 6'1 David and I (average sized 5'8) were given a tour of the Pensacola area chauffeured around in this wind up toy of a car.  David squeezed in up front and I climbed in the rear glove box also called the back seat...I had to lay down because both David and Craig had to move their seats all the way back to fit in this clown car...but Craig was happy with it and no matter how bad the verbal attacks on his man hood were (and will be) he was content with his purchase and after all it was his wedding day (take 2).

We at a late lunch at Flownder's, 18cent clam chowder that was very good!  A quick walk on the beach and then back to the apartment to get ready for the wedding...I considered dressing up in a tails tux with a top hat that I brought, but this being 2011 and not 1911 I passed on that...I looked like a turn of the century New York City horse drawn buggy driver.

The weather was getting bad...Mobile, AL was in a tornado warning...by 5pm, the time of the wedding, the wind was blowing hard and it was drizzling rain on and off.  This would mark my 18th wedding, the 14th of which I would play some part in...what that part was I had no idea...things like this happen when there is less than 72 hours of planning involved.  As it turned out David and I (the only 2 from Texas who made the trip) were grooms men, ring bearers, and photographers.  As soon as the ceremony started a monsoon hit.  Standing out in the elements made for some great pictures and the fastest ceremony I have ever seen in my career as a wedding attender.  So fast in fact that the wedding party, made up of the Bride, Groom, David, myself, about 20 sailors dressed in their navy dress blues, and about 6 bystanders, had to run to the covered porch of the lighthouse near by and do it all over again to make sure it was legally done right (no one could hear the woman presiding over the wedding because of the hurricane force winds).  There a calmer and dryer redo was completed on the side of the lighthouse.  Everyone crammed in together like rain soaked sardines.  Now it was all official!  May I present to you Mr. & Mrs. Craig Lay (in the rain)!

We all went back to the apartment changed and went out to McGuire's Irish Pub for the reception dinner and drinks celebrating this new union...this is where we encountered Freddie Mercury!

The Worst Karaoke in the World

Craziest Week Part 2:

Ok...picking up where I left off...

I arrived at David's right at midnight.  The 4 hour drive which I was in dread of for fear of becoming bored and falling sleep at the wheel, was actually not that bad and with the help of a surprising phone call which lasted the final hour plus of the drive, it went by relatively fast (the phone call was from a girl in the hospital from a car wreck which I had helped on the side of the road one night a week before...more on this story later).  David was asleep on the couch and their newborn, awake and crying, was being tended to by David's mother...who I was a little shocked to see there.  I took up residence on the other couch and tried to get some sleep...tried...between the baby crying and hospital girl phone call part 2, which would provide David with excellent fodder on our long road trip, I think I got a few hours of sleep in.

Friday, March 4th, 2011:
Woke up, took a quick shower, and was ready to go.  We left out just a little before 8am, a later start than we had hoped for.  David took the first shift at driving seeing how he got more sleep than me and I hate driving in the Metromess.

11:22am - We cross over into Louisiana, my first time in the state.  We contemplate whether we have enough time to make a detour down to Mardi Gras in New Orleans...knowing full well we didn't.
12:26pm - We stop in Arcadia, LA to grab a quick lunch at McDonald's and switch out driving duties.
The rest of the drive to Pensacola went like this:
2:50-Jackson, MS...cross one more state capital off the list; switch driving somewhere between Jackson & when we cross the border into Alabama at 5:47 (my first trip to Alabama)
6:25-We get lost in Mobile in the dark trying to find the Bay Bears minor league baseball stadium, the Garmin lady is to take most of the blame.
7:30-Cross into Florida...another first
8:01-Meet up with Craig and Danae...thank God!  At this point the 12 hour back and forth insult laden drive, which was all in good humor, was beginning to take its toll on me...again my long phone calls with a girl in the hospital provided a lot of the material.

Craig & Danae drive us on base to see the spot where they will be getting married the next day...right by the beach...I was impressed by how clean the sand was...not like the trashy shell and rock littered beach in Corpus.  Florida 1 Texas 0.  Then they take us to a sports bar to grab a bite to eat while we all catch up over a few adult beverages.  We all had traditional bar fare, wings and beer, and all was going well...until the first karaoke singed took the stage.  Once we heard what we were in for we all downed our beers like we were suddenly back in college, finishing off what we had and our fresh pitcher just delivered to our table, paid and left that place as the 2nd singer was in the middle of his song...think about that...that all took place in less than 5 minutes!   If you are a fan of bad karaoke then look no further than Brew Brothers bar in Pensacola, FL on a Friday night!

We left and went back to Danae's apartment to for the night...the wedding, a close call with the Pensacola police, and my wondering how the hell baseball players can dip snuff and be functional enough to play a baseball game at the same time...where all to come on Saturday.  Part 3 of this crazy story: Freddie Mercury is Alive and Well....in a few days...